Dear Amy: My 76-year-old friend is terrified of contracting a devastating disease. He looks quite healthy at this point of his life.
We live in different states, and we interact through Zoom.
His wife died 10 years ago, so he lives alone and has few friends. He is an angry, complacent man who smokes pot every day and vents his negativity on Instagram.
He and his wife were going through a divorce due to his negativity and use of utensils when he suddenly died in a car accident. His grief was brief.
Recently, he told me that he bought two lethal pills of fentanyl when he had dementia or some other painful disease. He has administered the oath of secrecy to me.
She is very critical of the whole situation, but I find it very strange to know that she has left this information to me.
I told him that I felt uncomfortable about it and he laughed.
Because he is not actively suicidal, I cannot call the authorities. I have considered calling his brother who lives near me, but I don’t want to start drama in his family.
If he killed himself, I know I would feel guilty.
Should I let it go and do nothing? I encouraged them to seek treatment and it didn’t go well.
Now I’m angry.
What should I do or not?
Dear Confused: If your friend is a daily pot user — and possibly using other substances — you might assume that he isn’t always calm when he communicates with you.
From the National Institutes of Health: “Compared to those who do not use marijuana, those who use large amounts frequently report the following: lower life satisfaction, poorer mental health, poorer physical health, and more relationships. problems.”
My overall point is that your friend is not necessarily an accurate reporter, even about his own life. Depending on the time of day when you speak with him, the level of his impairment will affect his outlook, his level of paranoia, and the way he expresses himself.
He’s talking hypothetically about something he might do, someday, if an unavoidable thing happens, but if you think his life is in immediate danger, he won’t swear to you secrecy. can provide.
You are not responsible for any of his choices. any of them.
The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can be reached by dialing 988. Your friend must have this.
Dear Amy: I recently found out that my ex best friend is engaged and pregnant.
“Tracy” and I grew up together and were best friends for 30 years. Tracy is a difficult dude. I even have journal entries from when I was 9 years old, “Tracy was mean to me today.”
She has always been insecure, and has a history of drinking too much and getting into fights, shedding tears.
We would often take the space after these moments and then brush it under the rug and rebound.
I felt a responsibility to be her best friend, as she had very few, and could not maintain a healthy relationship.
Two years ago, we stopped speaking after a fight in which I called him out for being rude to me. This time we never came back.
Tracy is a bully. He is toxic, unreliable and indecisive. I decided that was enough, unless she wanted to take accountability for her actions.
In the meantime, she’s acquired a healthy relationship (I’m assuming) with a man I actually established with her three years ago.
I am so happy for him and I have missed him, but really, I have not given up on his drama.
My question is: Now that that time has passed, should I try to reconnect with her by accepting these big events happening in her life?
Dear Ex Friend: If you are able to approach these events without getting bogged down in Tracy’s drama, then, yes, it would be a pity for you to do so.
Keep your note, text or call short, polite and happy, and consider your wants and need for boundaries before approaching him.
Dear Readers: The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has recently changed its name and made it easier for people to contact them.
The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is now a simple three digit contact. Simply dial 988 from any phone. (The previous number can still be used indefinitely: it is (800) 273-8255.)
The very helpful website address is now 988lifeline.org.
I urge parents and teachers to do their best to spread the word.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow him on Twitter @askingamy or on Facebook.